Cowboy Nation Week 10 Power Ranking

Inigo Montoya: You are sure nobody's follow' us?

Vizzini: As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable. No one in Guilder knows what we've done, and no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast. - Out of curiosity, why do you ask?

Inigo Montoya: No reason. It's only... I just happened to look behind us and something is there.

Vizzini: What? Probably some local fisherman, out for a pleasure cruise, at night... in... eel-infested waters...

Vizzini: INCONCEIVABLE.

Inigo Montoya: He’s right on top of us. I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using.

(Vizzini has just cut the rope The Dread Pirate Roberts is climbing up)

Vizzini: HE DIDN’T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE

Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

The Power Rankings are back? Inconceivable! Team Beastmode has roared to the top of the standings? Inconceivable! In Dog We Trust, who held strong in the top three for the majority of the season, might not make the playoffs? Inconceivable! That word, surely, doesn’t mean what many thought it meant throughout Cowboy Nation this season. With four games left until the playoffs, the kitchen is hotter than ever. And as Coach Conway will tell you, if you can’t handle the heat, well..you get the rest (especially Smelley).

1) The Raging Sherpas – Shea Dixon: (8-1) The Sherpas have clinched their spot in the playoffs. Their seed, on the other hand, is yet to be determined. The Sherpas have battled all season with the Rangers for the league’s top spot. It’s a whole new ballgame when the playoffs come, and one of any of the seven teams will have the same shot at running the table and claiming the league’s top honor. Yet, the road will be much easier if the Sherpas can sit in Week 14 and watch the field become cut in half for the second week in a row, their safety assured through the league’s lone bye-week playoff team. Come Week 15, the top seed will play its first playoff game with only three other teams still alive. Big stakes are up for grabs. Tom Brady has anchored the team, but drafting the league’s 3^rd and 6^th best HBs don’t hurt either (LT and MBIII). Toss in four WR’s that sit in the top 25 for the league, including Terrell Owens, and you can raise the question that this team shouldn’t have dropped a game. The stretch run is tough, however. The Sherpas will have to sit Tom Brady this weekend against Dean, forcing in a backup QB yet to be named (the Sherpas don’t currently have a backup QB). The team has managed itself well lately, for it has been as simple as {enter good player here} and watch him reach double digits. Starpower, however, has its price. Will the Sherpas be of any value if they are still alive in Week’s 15 and 16, where most of the team’s stars will be sitting on their proverbial benches.

2) Walker TX Ranger – Brian Norris: (7-2) With the Bengals off to a slow start, Carson Palmer has not put of the 20 point weeks that fantasy owners in the past years have come to rely on. Adrian Peterson slowed up two weeks ago, but made up for it this past weekend with a game that no rookie has any business putting out. He danced to the tune of 30 carries for 296 yards, good for an NFL RB record. Travis Henry has been slowed all season by injury, almost to the point where the Rangers have had to look elsewhere for point production from a player who is supposed to put of conistently first-round value numbers. Toss in Javon Walker’s injury and the Broncos look to have a personal vendetta against Chuck’s cause. Fuck em’. The Rangers still lead the league in points scored, raking in 892 points in nine weeks of football. At WR, Moss has been the beneficiary of nearly all the points out of the position. Neither Kevin Walter nor Antwaan Randle El can pull in the touchdowns needed. If Favre continues to gun-sling, then James Jones might be the team’s best option to fill the second WR slot. The Rangers did battle with the Sherpas for the number one spot, and were tagged with their second loss. When the next best team came calling this past weekend, the Rangers doubled up on Team Beastmode’s point total. How’s that for a beastmode?

3) Team FAITH – Jason Burklow: (6-3) This team is Appalachian State Hot, Hot, Hot! After starting a lowly 1-4, this team had the FAITH that the Saints have had. And, just like his team, he has pulled off quite the win streak (5 to be exact). Drew Brees is finally paying off, and in a big way. McGahee will have to continue to carry the running game, seeing that neither Ryan Grant nor Ahman Green is a legitimate candidate to bring in points consistently. Reggie Wayne has gotten plenty of Payton’s attention with Harrison out, which has helped this team out big time. They need Andre Johnson to get healthy, for that would add 15 points to this teams total every week, which will be extremely important in the coming weeks. The Steelers defense is an impressive point raker, especially against the lowly Ravens offense Monday night. FAITH seems the overwhelming favorite to take out Smelley this weekend, which would give Burklow six straight wins. This train might not stop until Week 16.

4) Team Beastmode – Daniel Roane: (6-3) The party finally stopped at Beastmode camp this past weekend, and in a big way. Chuck Norris came to town, and basically told Roane to go back to the 60-point club where he belongs (and that’s just what Roane did, losing 126-62). This team still has plenty going for it. Peyton Manning is still Manning. Braylon Edwards Pro-Bowl season isn’t slowing down in the least bit. Dallas Clark is still finding ways to get points from the TE position. And the Patriots defense is almost as valuable to Roane as a second RB, maybe even first. Speaking of, the situation for Beastmode at the run spot is hitting dire straits. Kevin Jones and Earnest Graham? This team, yes this 6-3 team on the rise, dropped off Maurice Jones Drew weeks ago. For who? Earnest Graham? With Bowe down and out after his slow start, Roane surely has to wish he still had Colston. Hurts catching the raw end of the Ronnie Brown deal, who went down for the season moments after Roane acquired him. Hey, there’s always Chris Brown.

5) Greek Mafia – Andrew Mijalis: (4-5) The Mafia fell to Smelley this past weekend. Chalk it up to a great performance by You Can’t See Me, who put up over 100 for the first time this season. Derek Anderson fell into the lap of Mijalis as a top three QB, and Clinton Portis has continued to perform well, matching preseason value and expectations. Maurice Jones Drew was the free agent pick up of the season, so much so it was worthy of a message board call out from Mijalis to Beastmode owner Daniel Roane. “Thanks for Maurice Jones Drew”. Roane’s reply: “Watch him sit behind Fred Taylor,” or something to that extent. Yeah, so insert foot in mouth, etc. MJD has become a top 20 RB, even while splitting carries. The only troubling stat from this team all season has been its inability to strike on Jamal Lewis and his big weeks. Lewis has had monster days in week two, four, and nine; none of which he started for the Mafia. Water under the bridge. This team has its eyes on the playoffs. The spot won’t matter. This team should hope to come out 3-1 with it’s remaining schedule to sit on the top half of the playoff teams. Yet, A sub .500 performance could go as far as knocking them out of the playoffs entirely. Thin ice to skate.

6) In Dog We Trust – Beau Fleming: (5-4) The Dog’s have lost another two straight. This team has been up and down more than they would like to have been. Bulger has been a complete disappointment, and can almost single handedly be responsible for much of this team’s overall disappointing aura (much in the same way Flynn is responsible for our only loss and if a game stays close, it’s his fault entirely). Things just work that way. Bulger is a curse to this team. Yet, the starter he must remain. Following in his footsteps has been the injuries to Brandon Jacobs, Marvin Harrison, Chad Johnson, and others. Hell, the best thing going for this team, outside of Jason Witten, is Ocho Cinco (who ironically isn’t performing to his potential) and the Giants defense. Scary stuff, and Halloween’s over. No more time for tricks and treats. This team, somehow, has gotten to week 10 above .500. The feeling from the coaching staff is that they are holding on for dear life, hoping to reach the playoffs, where healthier players can be put onto the field. They get Baby Matrix this weekend, one of the league’s least consistent team. Roane, Smelley, and Dean follow that. If Fleming can split these games, the playoffs have a spot for Dog. Stay with Christ, bro. Want a cig?

7) I’m 40, I’m a Man – Jon Kastanos: (4-5) The commissioner, who has claimed victory once through a controversial tie-breaker, now bulk up their team in a big way. First thing first, at this point in the season, Jesse Chatman will add no value to Jon’s team. So, in essence, it was Colston and Rudi Johnson for Willie Parker and Santana Moss. Come on, Ty. Are you serious? You gave up Colston for Santana Moss, and swapped Willie Parker for Johnson, who will be healthy in game or two? One win and you start giving away your team? What makes one team weaker, obviously, makes the other that much stronger. Check this starting lineup. Tony Romo, Joseph Addai, Rudi Johnson, Donald Driver, Marques Colston, and Ben Watson. Whose dick to we have to beat around here to magically get a dynamic fantasy line-up with the snap of a finger? Obviously, Jon knows to grab the lotion and walk down the LBP Town Home streets.

8) Rick Astley – Matt Conway: (it doesn’t matter) Who gives a shit what Conway’s record is. He’s the man. Though he gave Jon a hell of a good team, he got a hell of a good team back. Is he making the playoffs? Probably not. But he might win out. Hell, he predicted he would finish a strong 5-0. Last week was his first test, and he bitch slapped Dean 95-80, as promised. Now, Conway has his eyes set on Walker TX Ranger. “I’m gonna fuck Chuck Norris up this weekend.” If he does, Astley will continue to crawl up in the rankings. And his line-up ain’t half bad: Brian Griese, Marshawn Lynch, Willie Parker, Roy Williams, Lee Evans, Kellen Winslow, and the Redskins D. Getcha’ Gutta’a Gear, Ty.

9) Long Ball Larry – Dean Mijalis: (4-5) Since you’re a Cowboy fan, I’ll throw you a bone you can relate too. Remember when Tom Brady came to town in Week 6? He tossed for 388 yards and five touchdowns. Not too shabby of an outing. Got the Sherpas 34 fantasy points. Ironically, that is the same number of points Stephen Jackson has gotten….all season. WARNING: If you own a Rams player, please quit playing him. Here’s a tip. I am playing you this week. Start Justin Fargas. That gives you a better chance of winning. I want you to lose, but I am giving you help because you still seem to want to start Jackson. It’s kind of like when you are an A&M fan. Every week you put out a team that you think can compete and do it, but in your heart of hearts you know that they just don’t have it (like losing to Kansas...in football). All is in good fun though. If, or should I say when, this team makes the playoffs they will be scary. McNabb hasn’t been flashy, but Westbrook, Burress, Boldin, and Davis are a nice touch. With the RB situation hitting dire straits, this team probably wishes they hadn’t let go of the lowly Lee Evans so quickly, for a trips WR start would help this team come playoff time.

10) Baby Matrix – Andrew Ashby: (2-7) Brett Favre. Reggie Bush. Greg Jennings. Antonio Gates. Vikings D. Kris Brown. All these guys have been fantasy studs, but they haven’t equated into wins for the Matrix. Seeing that this team must win out to make the playoffs, the Matrix are a long shot to get to the seventh spot. Yet, don’t count Ashby out quite yet. Word from my underground sources is that he was heavy on trade talks with fellow bottom-dwelling owners, looking to crash the party for the teams on the playoff bubble. Watch out Cowboy Nation, Boomtown stops at nothing.

11) You Can’t See Me - Ryan Smelley: (4-5) Finally, a team name that makes sense! The “you can’t see me” move, which originated with wrestler John Cena (as Smelley's avatar image credits) can mean two things. On the one hand, it means “you can’t see me”. Much like “I can’t see” this team making the playoffs. On the other hand, it can mean “make that money,” or “make money”. Equating the title to the team, that means “make that $60,” which is the amount the person who comes in last place must pay to the pot (double the entry fee). LenDale White, the great hope of this team, isn’t as good as team owner Smelley thinks he is, especially if he plays hurt week to week. Santonio Holmes has had three good games all season, and Torry Holt has only had four. Put it this way. The highest rated player by position on this team is Chris Cooley. And, for the oddest reason, it seems fitting that Cooley is the best player on Smelley’s team. I don’t know why that makes me smile, but it just fits together. If Smelley were in the NFL, he would be Chris Cooley. Except he would probably play for the Raiders and not be as good. And one more thing. Now that Larry Johnson’s out for the season, you better get Priest Holmes. But don’t wait up until 3 a.m. Thursday morning to see if you land him. Conway is picking him up for no reason other than to make your team worse.

12) The Phoenix – Patrick Crawford: (2-7) Bottom line here is that this team never found a WR. And they banked on Lee Evans all season, who has been through two other teams before he finally is getting hot. Steve Smith has carried the Panthers by himself, still only having sporadically good weeks. Shockey has been consistent for the TE spot, and the Titans defense has been surprisingly solid. Frank Gore’s absence has been an extreme pain in the side of the Phoenix all season, and LaMont Jordan couldn’t get his motor running when his name was called. Things just never pieced together. It was one bad things after another, week in and week out. They will get their shot at Team Beastmode this week. The role of spoiler is on. My prediction: The Phoenix soar to 3-7 behind the arm of Big Ben to Hines Ward as well as Edge’s biggest game so far this season. Take it to the bank….just not the playoffs.